If you, my beloved child

Were in harm’s way

If you were taken from me

And I didn't know where you were

If one day, you didn't come home

From school

If you went on a bike ride

And didn't return

I would feel my insides knot

Nausea rising

My eyes stinging

Blood rushing in my ears

I would call the police the school your father

Ask for a search party an Amber alert

For you to be found

Right now

I would ask why I waited to buy you a phone

Why I didn't get something anything

I would send you every ounce of my strength

You are strong my beautiful child I would think

Use your mind use your strength

Run if you can and if you can't

Defend yourself

Know that I love you

Even though I have failed

To protect you

From the evil in the world

That I fear most for you

If you were found bruised hurting

I would hold you gently in my arms

And comfort you

I would tell you that I love you

That you are beautiful and strong

If your attacker were found

I would smash my fist

Into his face

Put my knee at his neck

Grab his hair in one hand his throat with the other

Don't you dare I would say as the police tried

To pry me off

Ever harm my child or any other child

Ever again

Or I will find you

And I will cut your heart out

If you were to walk in the door

smiling

And say

I was just at Abbie's house!

I was hiding from you

I would collapse on the floor

Hold my stomach and weep

With heaving gasps

Gut wrenching sobs

for everything

I have ever lost

As you wonder

If I have gone crazy