The past few weeks have brought jolting news of deaths by suicide, of fashion designer Kate Spade, celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain, and others less well-known.
Like many others, I reflected on their lives and their deaths, and the despair that led them to take their lives. I lamented the deaths of despair that a person can sink into, so deep that they feel the pain is unceasing and cannot be overcome, that the only way to end the pain is to end their lives.
"But they were so successful!" we find ourselves saying. "They had everything!" Depression can be brought on by life's circumstances, physical ailments, genetics, addictions. We may think that professional success and wealth are barriers over which depression cannot climb. But it can. And it does.
The mind is mysterious. Recently I wrote about a panel discussion I attended on mental illness. (Read it here.)
Like everyone, I have known sadness, grief, loss, heartbreak. Once, recently, the sadness I felt was unusual in its intensity and relentlessness. During those moments, I wrote this poem which begins
Sadness Here you are again My sometimes friend You came in the middle of the night I lay awake with you wrapped around my heart And there you stayed for a while.
I was taken aback by how I felt. I feel fortunate to be blessed with a strong psyche, strong friendships and a wonderful support system. And yet, there I was, in despair.
I imagined the despair that I had felt magnified a thousand-fold, even more, as I thought of the pain of those who have died by suicide. I wrote this poem to all who feel that hope is lost.
Take My Hand
When your despair
is a mountain
and you feel small
looking at it
when the knots in your stomach
the weight on your heart
and your rising anxiety
tell you you cannot take even one step
let alone the thousands you may need
when the journey seems endless
when the darkness encroaches
and it seems daylight will never come
when it seems easier
to close your eyes
and wish it all away
wish you away
from it all
Take my hand
let my fingers clasp yours
let my arms encircle you
and keep you safe
until your heart pounds a little less
until your panic is less pressing
until your despair lightens enough
so you can see me
and see the world
see you in it.
Take my hand, friend,
take my hand, stranger,
that I may give you
some strength
some hope
to take that first step.
Hold my hand
as long as you need to.
I’m right here
right here with you
right here for you.
